A reminder from my younger self.

At the start of a new year, it feels timely (& also convicting meets inspiring) to read this The Refined Woman interview featuring my own words written & exposed in print to my younger self. As I plan to set aside time this weekend to put my dreams & goals for the year into writing, I can't help but smile at these two notes to self.

(Full interview on their blog & thank you for helping create space for this reflection, TRW)

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1) I wish I could tell my younger self to remove the toxins. Whether they’re unhealthy relationships, insecurities and lies, disappointments or rejections, focusing on missed opportunities or regrets — all of it! Don’t hesitate to remove anything that generates toxicity within yourself or your company. For years I lived in extreme people-pleasing mode, and would entertain toxic things for way too long. It would eat away at me, removing my ability to make decisions in work, to write freely in my personal time, to live without worrying what people thought. I would go back and tell my younger self to remove it with gracefulness and kindness — but with boldness and swiftness.


2) My real life heroes are my parents who taught us the value of character, determination, and perseverance.

My father was quirkily committed to teaching us the value of a dollar. After a piano recital or sports competition, our parents would ask if we wanted to go to Baskin Robbins. When it was time to pay, my father would bring out his spare change and count out 100 pennies for every dollar owed. My sister and I fell for it every time thinking he wouldn’t possibly count 800 pennies yet again to prove his point. People in line would offer quarters to help, and my father would kindly reply,

“No thank you, my girls are just learning that every penny in life counts.”

We would roll our eyes and then relish every bite. But we learned to value our pennies, our minutes, our actions, our thoughts, our failures and accomplishments.

 

📸 by @jelabela)

Of all the things I care about for his future --

& of all the things I do not know about parenting & all the things I am convinced that we will still be figuring out for the next forever amount of years, I think I pretty much peaked at the best compliment I'll ever receive that also -- as fate would intentionally have it -- pretty much has nothing to do with me or my abilities as a mom.

Bear's great grandfather (who also has yet to ever meet a stranger after 87+ years) said today after spending a lot of time with him, "It's a gift. Even if he doesn't know ya, It don't matter who ya are, he's gonna still treat ya like a friend. With kindness & a wave".

Watching Teddy grow, it couldn't be truer of who he seems to want to be, and it is inspiring & challenging to me at the same time. Because I believe this is our birth-given outlook towards others --  That no matter where we are together or what his mood is or if the person sees him or engages back, he doesn't seem to believe in the word stranger. He doesn't let it derail his perception of himself, the other, or the world. He just smiles and takes his next steps forward.

& Of all the things I care about for his future, this is the one that I pray most that he will never forget & that I will continue to learn from.

I may never know what the other person is going through.

But the irony of the whole thing is that if I choose to focus on that very thing, I'd actually be missing the most important point. 

Last week, I was struggling physically and emotionally after experiencing the loss of an early pregnancy. I decided that I wanted to force myself to get out of the house (despite the doctor's advice to rest, no doubt) and work from a coffee shop. I walked into this adorable spot and got in line. A gentleman walked almost in front of me and stood caddy-corner until he could edge in.

teddy and ty

There were so many more graceful options.

But instead a monster woke up with me that morning and escorted me into the situation with all the brokenness and vengeance of everything happening on my insides, and I snarkily addressed it. He returned my tone and accused me of cutting in front of him. We both felt wronged and we both felt offended that the other would think we did it intentionally. It escalated with the kind of words that are calm and soft yet sharp and uncomfortably cutting, giving our best attempt at trying to demean one another with intellect and tone. Then we just abruptly stopped and both sulked. He ordered, and for an infinitely long terrible almost 60 seconds, I stood behind him. Trembling on the inside because my heart utterly eclipsed itself and went black. A very cold black.

And then the most uncontrollable behavior happened!

Light itself legit overtook me, and before pride could talk my mind out of it, my heart lunged forward and exclaimed, I am so sorry and mortified. I acted like a spoiled child and handled the entire thing poorly. I honestly was upset at life and the potential that you maybe thought I would do it on pur...

And before I could finish, he returned, Oh my god, I am so embarrassed. I handled it terribly, I can't believe I did that. And the next 60 seconds were filled with us arguing over who could be more embarrassed while profusely apologizing.

I'll never understand what triggered him from his own life, but what I'm responsible for is addressing what's going on inside of me.

And while this was over something so silly + obnoxious such as waiting in line to order a draft latte, all I know is that it felt good to beat pride at its destructive game and make it right, no matter how big or how small.

It breathed some life back into me that day, and it felt really really REALLY good.

Creating a day to celebrate what it means to be human, together.

We all have a story to tell.

Today is the first annual #WorldPerspectiveDay, and it is personally therapeutic to my soul after over a decade of being an active participant in storytelling across our great world.

Inspired directly by the students @100cameras works with worldwide & in collaboration with incredible launch partners, this is a day to simply celebrate what it means to be human, together.

An intentional effort to breath some positive engagement onto the internet to not only share how we each see the world -- but to also take a moment to see life through someone else's eyes. Because we can't escape the fact that both postures matter if we are all going to exist on the same planet & further good & light. To create space for it to be okay for how similar and how different we are. A space to well -- just be human.

Super proud of our entire team who dreamed big enough to go for this. The world wide web can be an overwhelming place at times & it's hard to know where to start, and this is us doing our part. Participate today, post your perspective and tag #worldperspectiveday 

Film by Jose Tutiven. Commercial created & edited by Andrea Arevalo and Ivan Novuelven.